You see, now I’m a licensed professional counselor, sitting in my office, working with hundreds of couples, I actually see the other extreme of these hard and fast rules: more specifically, couples who have come to see me due to the backlash of their lack of comfort with physical intimacy — even in marriage.
I’ve seen many couples who really struggle to foster a physical relationship, because for so long they’ve been trained to repress their sexuality and sexual urges rather than to learn to appreciate and take control of them.
It’s almost as though the message of what you “can’t do before marriage” for all those years started getting compartmentalized in their minds as “bad” or “wrong”.
As stated before, during this time there should be little or no physical contact, as this is something that should wait until marriage (1 Corinthians -20).
Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage.
Kissing wasn’t something that people really addressed.
Fast forward 15 years from the very first time I heard about this concept – and my perspective on this topic has shifted.
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Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view. For daters, spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom we find attractive can present temptations that can be very hard to resist.
The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them.
I’ll never forget that day, because it was something I hadn’t really heard of before.
Yes, I grew up in the era where the “purity culture” was being preached from the rooftops, but all in all, the focus was always on not having sex before marriage.
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